B&S See

We are folks in a boat, afloat on The Big & Scary Ocean. Can't stay dry, but won't drown while the boat floats. Might starve.

Lifeboat condundrum--who has to get out when the boat gets full? Who gets to drown while we watch? We are wired to help when we can, but always, always, to survive, when we can figure out how. We draw the arbitrary lines. We try to make it work. Malthusian logic comes from somewhere, even though it's sometimes misapplied because, I think, of haste and panic. Do you understand yet?

Then, never mind. I press on.

You throw the net out to help...try to see all the lost souls floating around--they are trying to not drown--and you feel the despair...can't help them all, hell, can't even help all the ones you can see. Noses just above the water line, heads bobbing, always some asshole splashing around making it harder for the marginals. Here and there a hand goes up, a head goes under. Ah, shit, this time it was someone you knew. You wait to see if he’ll come up again. A bunch of guys in a boat, staring at the water. Ah.

Never mind. You are still in the boat, but it wasn't that long ago that you, yourself, were in the water, and you know what it feels like when the water splashes up into your eyes, covers the nose, and you have to hold your breath until you can get steady enough to breath again. Oh jeez, and you can't lose your head. Control. Control yourself.

But then, you help one guy, just because you can, and he turns out to be some lousy asshole that you don't even want around the house, on account of how he's a bad influence on the kids. But at least you know he won't...won't drown in the living room in front of you, with you watching. Ah. There goes my metaphor. Try not to care too much about that. Caring is expensive in the short run.

The one you loved sank out of sight and your heart is never the same again. What's the use? He was better than me. I can't take his place, and I don't know how to help them. I just watch them sink, one by one, or groups at a time.

Throw the net. Save a whale, maybe hug a goddam tree. That all works to keep the memes alive...they drive you, you know. It's not your good heart, it’s just a bunch of electro-chemical chains popping and slurping around in the dark box of the brainpan. Oldfarts impart survival values to the system by virtue of surviving--beyond the passing of the genes, they provide an example for the youngsters who otherwise would prefer to shun them. The genes are just nature's way to have kids around to listen to the goddam stories. But you have to figure out a way to get them to listen to the stories. For you existentialists, that's why the cosmic muffin invented the feeling of lonliness.

"Arrhgh..." sez Og. That means Sabre-toothed cat. Ooog, his son, listens, or not. The lesson is uncomplicated and valuable.

"Oooohh, nooooo...." sez Ramon to his lover, Harold. That means, for example, redvoter iz Aunt Emma, or something like that. The lesson is not so clear.

That was just an illustration.

Do you think this is bullshit?

You have to do what you can, is all it means. The unverse doesn't compute, but then it doesn't have to compute at my level, is what I think.

Does this trip have a purpose? Does it need to have one? Okay, make one up, if that's what you need to do, but try to be careful, because you have to account for all the Mormons, too, if you see what I mean. Your cosmic muffin is as good as my cosmic muffin. I like the idea that the trip is the reason, not the destination. The deal with the 79 virgins okay, and the prospect of sitting at the foot of the lord and playing a harp to accompany the singing of fundamentalist hymns has its attractions. But to me those are just examples of another trip, not a reason for this one, and they don’t get me off the wheel of inquiry. Endless speculation. My metaphor is as good as your metaphor. For me, it all comes back to the trip.

It's a waste to not try, even if you are trying to cast your net so wide that you don't get anything done. You probably won’t save a single whale, for example. Just try to not let me drown before I actually have to.

I'll try to do the same for you.